A Computer with a Lifetime Guarantee

        Barry Neil Kauffman, one of our leading psychologists, says, “The way to change a person’s behavior is to first change the way he sees the world.”  He tells us that people do the very best they can considering the way they see themselves and the way they see the world. 

          Other leading psychologists tell us the same thing in another way.  They say our behavior is controlled by our self-concept.  They say to change our behavior, we must first change our self-concept.  Self-concept is a very important part of our lives.  Its discovery is one of the great breakthroughs in psychology.  Dennis Waitley describes the importance of self-concept when he discusses two levels of the mind, the conscious and the subconscious.  The conscious level works much like a judge, collecting and evaluating information. 

          The subconscious level functions much like a computer.  It stores information and makes it available at a later date.  The subconscious never attempts to sort out fact from fiction or truth from misperception.  When information flows from the subconscious, it comes forth as fact.  Therefore, all our misperceptions, eventually become truth and are treated as fact by the conscious level of the mind. 

          Children work very hard at trying to understand their parents as well as their environment.  They are great observers, but horrible interpreters.  This is understandable considering their immature brains and limited experience.  The sad part is when we become adults and look back, all of our perceptions, both accurate and inaccurate, become our reality.

          A child who has a misperception that his parents prefer his brother does not grow up to say to his parents, “When I was young I thought you loved my brother more than you loved me.”  He grows up to say, “You always liked my brother more than you liked me!”  What was once his mistaken idea has now become his truth. 

          A child is constantly observing, interpreting, and storing information in the subconscious.  These billions of thoughts and experiences later become the truth that runs and directs his or her life.  The challenge is to help a child interpret what he or she sees and hears in ways that can be used later as proof that he or she is capable, lovable, and responsible. 

          I often wonder what mistaken beliefs and interpretations have been stored in the subconscious minds of youngsters who constantly make poor decisions, involve themselves in self-destructive behaviors, or turn off learning.  It makes me wonder how many of these people have misinterpreted their parents’ love in the following ways:

1.      Some parents show love by hovering over and rescuing their child from the harsh world.  This is often interpreted by the child as, “My parents know that I could never handle this world without help.”  I am not capable.

2.    Some parents show love through control.  These parents constantly tell children how to lead their lives.  This is often interpreted as, “My parents know that I am not capable of thinking for myself or being responsible.”  I am not capable. 

3.    Some parents show love by always being available with advice.  They allow their children to make many of their own decisions.  This is often interpreted as, “My parents know that I can think for myself!”  These children grow up to believe that somewhere within themselves is a computer with a lifetime guarantee. 

My gift to you:

You are lovable, capable, responsible.